What a complete turnaround! For the wedding, I was all about my outsides. Loofah, exfoliate, work out, tanning cream! Haircut! Mani/pedi! And now, it is all about my inner landscape, my tender emotions, letting waves of grief flow over and through me, yelling, when I felt it necessary, weeping, resting, remembering to eat once in a while. It looks like that's going to be on my menu for a while here. Also have begun giving Pickle sidekick lessons. We have been out in the car a few times, and on the leash, and, though I throw her on the bed every night, she seldom stays for very long. Oh, well, if she is not going to sleep there, I will spread out and luxuriate in having it all to myself for the first time in many a moon. Everything is different. It is like life is NEW here, and newness is always confusing and frightening in the beginning. Hope it settles in soon. I am heavy hearted and kind of just dragging myself from one thing to another. Yes, I created something. And it was the only time I felt like myself, because I was OUT of me, for a little while. That may be the ticket. Just keep painting, just keep painting. I can do that.
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